Here, I have questioned motherhood and information processing in the context of my psychology, focusing on the effects of motherhood. I have also explored thoughts around a show in Oxford, which started this questioning of how I process the world around me.
The Architecture of Pressure
My practice is built on limits. Looking back, the shift to fast-drying acrylics and small-scale surfaces was originally driven by the domestic logistical constraints of single motherhood. There was no "room of one's own"; there was only the kitchen table and the tight windows of time between school runs and toddlers at home.
Here are examples of the tiny paintings I made from chopped-up larger pieces in birch wooden panels.
However, I have come to realise that these material choices were not merely compromises; they became the architecture of my work. The stress of paying bills and the scarcity of time acted as an engine, forcing a practice that was efficient, contained, and pressured.
Currently, my physical process mirrors this history. I build up surfaces—collecting and collating layers of paint and information—only to subject them to a process of subtraction. Currently using paint in layers but more freely in the collage work of my sketchbook- I choose, cut, and edit. The work is physically dense, built through addition but defined by what is removed.
The Fire Escape and the Signal
The "cut" in the studio is a direct echo of the "cut" in my personal history. Just as I historically "clung to a picture in my head" of a life that wasn't working, I often cling to an image in a painting. The act of destroying—cutting into the work—has always been the necessary violence required to break that illusion and find the truth.
This resonates deeply with Julie Phillips’ metaphor in The Baby on the Fire Escape. The image of Alice Neel leaving the baby on the fire escape represents the dangerous necessity of doing two things at once. My "cut and walk" strategy was a survival mechanism in life—a way to sever ties when the need to nurture clashed with the practical need to survive.
I used to categorise this "hustle" and harsh editing as a "masculine" energy—born of fear and the limiting belief that "there is not enough, I am not enough." But I am now complicating this binary. I am beginning to view editing not as violence, but as signal-to-noise ratio optimisation. I am moving from the mindset of the "Fugitive" (running away) to the "Archivist" (sorting through). Maybe it is simply about processing information.
From Survival to Cognition
The core inquiry driving my work is shifting. It is moving from a narrative of survival (reacting to scarcity) to a narrative of cognition (how I process the world).
I am currently distinguishing between two types of action:
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The Hot Cut (Survival): Fast, frantic, absolute. Born of adrenaline and the panic to "fix" it.
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The Cold Cut (Cognition): Slower, deliberate, rhythmic. Born of pattern recognition and choice.
My trajectory now is to determine if I can separate the skill of editing from the fear of scarcity. I am testing whether the act of "cutting" is a scar from a survivalist past, or an essential cognitive tool for making sense of a chaotic world. My goal is to edit with precision, rather than desperation.
Bibliography & References
Primary Text
Phillips, Julie. The Baby on the Fire Escape: Creativity, Motherhood, and the Mind-Baby Problem. New York: W. W. Norton & Company, 2022.
Related Media
Phillips, Julie. "Author Julie Phillips on her new book, 'The Baby on the Fire Escape'." YouTube, uploaded by The American Library in Paris, 28 November 2022. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-WDHPDo4kU
Next Step for Practice:
I will implement a "Cold Cut Protocol" in the studio—physically slowing down the editing process to observe if the aesthetic result changes when the adrenaline is removed.
